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Billy Ray Chitwood

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by BR Chitwood


My good wife allows me ‘space’ for my Romantic memories – spread across a lifetime…those loves along the way that leave a special ambience of thought…and, instances of special sadness.

Damn! It’s tough being a ‘Romantic’!



After all the years, the thought keeps hammering away at Alter-me: ‘So, what are you going to do with those romantic wishy-washy moments you carry in your knapsack’? Unless you’ve invented a ‘retrieval system’ or ‘Time Machine’ for periodic visits, what the hell good are those moments? Don’t you think your ‘non-romantic’ wife might get a bit sick of your ‘wine and wonder’ wanderings?



Okay, Alter-ass Ego, you’re off-base. You have no business of ruffling these old memory moments. You have cramped my thinking all these years about what a ‘bad-ass’ I am for remembering beautiful moments in my past…and, leave my wife out of this – she is comfortable in her own skin and loves the ‘loop-de-loop’ heart and mind of my vagabond life.



Really! You’re going to ride that train? You really need to finally, once and for all, GROW-UP, aging-arse, live in the real world…



How the hell does one slay an ‘alter-ego’! You would think after all the years we would have bonded. You’re always doing this to me, using ‘the guilt-whip’! I’m in my ‘Real World’! This is who I am… (Geez, you would think better partnerships could be built between the actual ‘deed-doer’ and the ‘do-nothing alter’.) This is/was the real world I live(d) in, and I cannot close the doors of those ‘Real World’ people and events… I think about them, write books, short stories, songs about them. They were ‘Real’. Some, I loved and with whom I had tender and wonderful moments. I can’t throw those ‘realities’ into a trash can.



Look, ‘Real Me’, you’re really getting worked up here… Maybe, just, maybe, some of us ‘alter-guys’ try to save their ‘Real Me’s’ the money they would spend on Shrinks. But, look at it this way, you’ve made it this far without Shrinks. Sure, we’ve been through some tough times, but you have ‘hung in there’ like a real trooper. Hey, there are some ‘Real Me’s’ that don’t get through it all – you know, different interior networks, and they can’t handle the stress. Hey, we have all kinds of people with their ‘programs’ set differently. You don’t stress as much as you once did before you began writing your books, putting down thoughts via your characters that you had experienced… This stuff does not happen JUST to you, ‘Real Me’.



Okay, I somehow feel better… Here’s what I’m thinking…

Who truly knows how all this life business starts? The loves, the memories, the realities we face, how we handle them… Everyone has her/his way of handling their emotions, their decisions, their memories, and, you’re right: I’ve made it this far, have a great wife and family, and I also have love memories I don’t wish to shed, but, put them into perspective with all the other realities…label them:



BR Chitwood -August 6, 2020


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16 comments on “CHAT: REAL-ME & ALTER-ME

  1. I enjoyed the discussion, Billy Ray. I would have thought your alter-me and real-me would have had all this hashed out by now. What the heck do you think bourbon is for?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I figured it out when I went to real Bourbon – you know, MAKER’S MARK! But, to be truthful, we’ve (‘Alter’ and ‘me’) have never been too close – he really likes showing me up! Hi, girls, you and Papa and Mama enjoy the days of Summer! xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

      1. We love the days of summer in the A/C Mr. Billy Ray.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. 104 F ‘Sweater weather’ here in the desert today…it’s okay to be envious, John! (yuck, yuck)

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Yuck yuck is right.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Three RED HEARTS!:> PLUS a YUCK, YUCK! (RAISE)

        Liked by 1 person

      5. I see the YUCK, Yuck and call.

        Liked by 1 person

      6. You win! Out of Money! Books Not Selling! Shall I go on? and…on??? 🙂


  2. eden baylee says:

    It’s good to know you have such engaging conversations with yourself, Billy Ray! 😉


    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh, yes, and some are X-Rated! xox

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I think it’s good you can make a decision on which is the real you. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s my thinking today…could change tomorrow! (Particularly with the desert heat over 100+ degrees… Thanks, Buddy…

      Liked by 1 person

  4. johndolanauthor says:

    So, BR, the old adage is true: you’re never alone with a schizophrenic 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. HaHaHa! How can you possibly know me so well? Love’ya, Big Guy!


  5. Gwen M. Plano says:

    It’s amazing the conversations that run through our minds. My characters are often composites of friends or others and I admit to having great chats with them. 😀 Thank you, Billy Ray, for sharing. have a fantastic day!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, dear Gwen.


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