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Billy Ray Chitwood

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Passport Pictures

“OMG! That’s, ME? Okay, That’s I?”

“That’s you, sweetheart.”

“Damn, lie to me, woman, don’t let me try to sleep  tonight with that ugly truth in my sub-conscious.”

“You ‘OMGed’ when you saw you new driver’s license some months ago.”

“Yeah, I know, but, at least, the Driver’s License was in vivid color. This passport picture looks more black and white than color – more gray than black… Geez, my eyes look vacant and without any show of life…”

“Come on, honey, you’re becoming obsessed. I never knew your ego to go this far out north of kilter. You know drivers’ licenses and passport pictures are always horrible.”

“Yeah, I know you’re right, but it’s still a shock seeing my face in a depressing morgue’s gray slide-out chamber… By the way, where the hell might we be going? We just got to Phoenix a few weeks ago. That’s a beastly long drive for an internationally successful and wealthy author.”

“Uh, darling, you’re spacing out again…forget who you’re talking to?”

“I believe that should be, ‘…to whom you’re talking?”

“Oh, shut up and eat your oatmeal, grammar-hog.”

“I hate oatmeal! You know, your passport is no image winner, either!”

“Okay, I’m taking your oatmeal away.”

“That was the plan, dear heart.”

“You and your passport make good companions. I’m giving your oatmeal to ‘Lady Gray’.”

“Okay, that ‘draws the line’ so I’m using my ‘Executive Privilege’. You may not torture my beautiful ‘Lady Gray’ by feeding her something that only you like… You and your new passport sleeping in the guest room tonight?”

“No, you are!”

“Ah, you win some and you lose some…um, no kiss, ‘goodnight’…”

BR Chitwood – Feb. 20, 2020

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19 comments on “Passport Pictures

  1. I have a rule about looking at passport pictures. “Never.” Good luck in the guest room, Billy Ray.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ve only looked at passport pictures twice, but I’ve decided (without your permission, mind you!) to adopt the Howell ‘Never’ rule! That ‘Julie-Lady’ can be ‘tuff’ at times!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I hate to say this but complaining about oatmeal never ends well.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thus, he stops complaining about oatmeal, except, one last time: “I HATE OATMEAL!”

        Liked by 1 person

      3. You’re banned for a month young man.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. SEE BELOW – after Denise’s sweet, pleasant, and no ‘final’ policies! ♥♥♥

        Like

  2. D.L. Finn, Author says:

    The dreaded passport pictures where smiling isn’t allowed. Best not to look. I do love the sbove picture:)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, sweet Denise… ♥♥♥

      Liked by 1 person

      1. D.L. Finn, Author says:

        🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  3. ‘Banned’? ‘Young Man’? ‘One Month’? All in seven words? You did not explain the disciplinary procedures of the ‘Howell – Final’ policy! Now, I have to write another character-driven, depressing, maudlin, emotional, un-plotted Masterpiece! Alas and Alack!!!

    Like

    1. Thank you, Bette. God Bless! ♥♥

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re welcome, Billy Ray. Have a blessed and beautiful weekend! ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      2. You, as well, dear Lady Bette…♥♥♥

        Liked by 1 person

  4. eden baylee says:

    hahaha, funny one Billy Ray! My passport picture looks like I just broke out of jail and got caught. Awful!
    eden xox

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Gawd! I got older just looking at that damned print! Yeah, I’m vain, but, at this age, one does not need passport pictures – just barely need a driver’s license photo – another, YUCK! ♥♥♥

      Like

  5. Well, passport pictures aside… you’re looking lively and happy in that picture with your lady.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Taken some years back on the NCL somewhere on the waters in the Caribbean…took the kids with us – had a good ‘work year’ (NOT from the books – in my other life at the time…) Thanks ,good buddy. ♥♥♥

      Liked by 1 person

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