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Billy Ray Chitwood

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My Aching Back

“Really? A ‘bitch and moan’ post?”

“Well, yeah, I guess one could call it that.”

“Tell me, Roscoe, do you think your followers really care that you have an ‘aching back’?”

“Are you playing my ‘alter ego’, Sidney?”

“Yeah, I am. Think about it, Roscoe, the few people – maybe – you’ve never met are going to read about a guy crying about his aches and pains. You will put them off, man! People want to read an interesting ‘flash fiction’ piece, short story, something that will be positive and uplifting, not about a hypochondriac who moans and groans about his ailments. People want entertainment, a murder mystery and/or suspenseful romance. Give them what they want, and you build your ’brand’.”

“Well, ‘alter ego’, you’ve given me ‘food for thought’ – don’t you just love ‘clichés’, Sidney?”

“No, I don’t. Clichés are dull and tiresome. At the end of the day, you should avoid them at all costs.”

“You just used a cliché, Roscoe.”

“How do you figure?”

“You said, ‘at all costs’ – that, my friend, is a cliché. In fact, you’ve used other clichés in these few moments we’ve talked. Earlier, you said, ‘moans and groans’. You said, ‘give them what they want’. Those are clichés, buddy-boy. Oh, and, you said, ‘at the end of the day’, another cliché.”

“Yeah, but it’s just the two of us talking here. There’s a difference, ‘buddy-boy’.”

“Did your Mama have any that lived, Sidney?”

“Oh, that’s vicious, and, not too original, Roscoe.”

“You said you were just ‘stopping by for a second’. Really, Sidney, don’t you have other places to go? I would like to finish my post.”

“Are you leaving those clichés in the post, Roscoe?”

“Yep, sure am. Oh, one last cliché, Sidney, ‘don’t let the door hit you in the ass’ on the way out.”

“That’s uncalled for, Roscoe.”

“You asked for it, Sidney.”

“Stay out of the ‘Cliché Pantry’, Roscoe.”

“Leave, Sidney, and take your clichés to the grave.”

“Sticks and stones…”

“Hasta La Vista, Baby.”

“Up yours, Red Raider.”

“Don’t let the door hit you in the ass, Sidney.”

“You already said that.”

“Happy days.” Door closes.

“That settles that.”

Billy Ray Chitwood – August 27, 2019

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25 comments on “My Aching Back

  1. Yeah, So how’s your back? This was super funny, Bill Ray.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for the ‘super funny’! My ‘aching back’ aches! Fancy that, good John…but, not unbearable. Thanks for asking. ♥♥

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I have one word. Bourbon

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Why didn’t I think of that! Nice thought but Julie has cut off my supply routes. 🙂 ♥♥

        Liked by 1 person

      3. You need a runner.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Okay, you got me! For what? ♥

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Oh, right! For the bourbon… ♥♥

        Liked by 1 person

  2. eden baylee says:

    You must’ve been in a funny mood when you wrote this, Billy Ray! It’s funny and fun to read, and that’s not at all cliché!

    xo
    eden

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ah, ‘My Girl’, glad you thought ‘fun to read’. Thanks, sweet lady. ox ♥ 🙂

      Like

  3. jaysquires says:

    You can use as many cliches as you want to tell me about your back pain … as long as you allow me five minutes to tell about my hip pain that keeps me awake at night. Oh, but bring John’s bourbon. We’ll both have less to bitch about.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. We’re allowed to bitch, and I’ve grown fond of it! Bourbon and I arrive at midnight – providing the plane’s on time! Sleep well, good soldier! ♥♥

      Like

  4. I hope your funny post is a little therapeutic. I need a funny post to lift up my vertebrae also. Hope you fee better, one day at a time, Billy. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for your comforting thought, Miriam. My best. ♥

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re welcome, Billy! ❤

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Mae Clair says:

    That was hysterical! But I feel bad it came at the expense of your “aching back.”
    Feel better, Billy Ray, and thanks for the humor!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Mae. The bourbon helped. The best to you. ♥♥

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Gwen M. Plano says:

    I relate to the aching back and enjoyed the cliches. I suspect age provided the torment and the delight. 😀 Thank you for the chuckles, Billy Ray. ♥ ♥ ♥

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re welcome, Gwen. Glad you enjoyed. ♥

      Like

  7. D.L. Finn, Author says:

    I hope your back is doing better! I’m a secret fan of old cliches:)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Use’em a lot myself! Thanks, Denise. ♥

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Jennie says:

    I loved this!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So glad you enjoyed, Jennie. My best wishes. ♥

      Liked by 1 person

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