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Two Parrots

There were two southern preachers, one, an old-time Baptist sermon-master, the other, an old-time Methodist sermon-master.

Now, these two ‘good ole boys’ did have something more or less in common: each of them had a parrot. I’m talking here about parrots that can speak words clearly and often.

The Baptist preacher had this male parrot that spewed ugly words and phrases, did in fact at times take the good Lord’s name in vain. I mean, this parrot was something else, and the preacher was embarrassed anytime people visited him in his parish house.

The Methodist preacher had this female parrot that sat in her cage and prayed all day long. Now, the Methodist preacher liked the fact that his female parrot was all holy and full of grace, but he wanted her to step out of the religious role occasionally.

Well, the two preachers became friends because they both met up at the pet shop where they got their parrots, and had so much in common – with God, sinners, and all…so, they just took to each other and began their friendship.

There came the night the Baptist preacher had his new Methodist preacher friend over for an evening chat. Well, wouldn’t you know, that doggone male parrot started up with all his cuss-words and mini-phrases that were, well, just downright nasty stuff for the ears to pick-up.

Well, the two preachers talked long and hard on the subjects of their two parrots. The Methodist preacher allowed that his female parrot prayed all day long, and that was all well and good. But, the Methodist preacher didn’t want his parrot so full of grace that she couldn’t open up a bit.

The Baptist preacher had the opposite problem and he wanted a little more grace in his male parrot, not those nasty words and phrases all his waking hours.

So, the two preachers talked, as I said, long and hard, and finally came up with an idea they both figured just might work…

What they figured to do was to put both parrots, the female praying parrot and the male cussing parrot, into a bigger cage and see if the two could maybe come out of their different shells and become more suitable in their behavior patterns.

So, one Saturday the preachers went to the pet shop, got a bigger cage, took that cage back to the Baptist preacher’s parish house, set it up with the little seats on each side of the cage, a cute little swinging apparatus, and little seeds that parrots just love.

Well, here’s what happened…

The preachers put both parrots inside the cage and closed the little gate. The male parrot that said the nasty words went to one side of the cage, and the female parrot that prayed all day long went to the other side of the cage…and those two parrots just sat there and stared at each other.

The preachers stood there shaking their heads for the better part of an hour, and those two parrots just sat and stared at each other.

Just when the preachers were about to make a move and put the parrots back in their own cages, the male parrot winked an eye and said to the female parrot: “Hey, baby, how ‘bout a little loving?”

The preachers looked at each other, both a little embarrassed with the situation, but stood and waited…

Finally, after several seconds passed, the female parrot says: “What do you think I’ve been praying for?”

Well, don’t you know? Those two parrots are still together, but they don’t talk that much…the Baptist preacher finally rigged some dark shades for the two parrots’ love-privacy for those moments when there was just no other route to go.

Oh, one last thing, the Baptist preacher became a book editor for whatever in the world the reason, and that fine Methodist preacher became a down-and-out fiction writer…

Go figure…

Billy Ray Chitwood – March 24, 2019

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28 comments on “Two Parrots

  1. Jennie says:

    Good story!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Jennie. Have a nice week.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Jennie says:

        You’re welcome, Billy Ray. Best to you.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. You spun the yarn with a delightful new twist. Well done, Billy Ray.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Some ‘true stories’ you just have to call ‘flash fiction’!!! ♥

      Liked by 3 people

  3. Gwen Plano says:

    Oh my gosh, this was too funny. I think you had fun writing this piece. I certainly had fun reading it. Great job, Billy Ray!! ♥

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You brighten my day, dear Gwen! ♥

      Liked by 2 people

  4. jaysquires says:

    There’s a moral there someplace. I think it is: If you want a pet get a dog or a cat, even an elephant, but never a parrot.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. But, just think of the sexual deviancy…moral or not, I got aroused writing the piece! (That’s a ha-ha!) Thanks, Jay-Man! ♥

      Liked by 2 people

      1. jaysquires says:

        If you want to really get aroused big time, the elephant’s the way to go! (That too is a ha-ha! Or not!)

        Liked by 1 person

      2. You’re one-up, good buddy! ♥ (Just can’t get around that!


  5. D.L Finn, Author says:

    This cracked me up…plus it had a happily ever after ending.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks, good Denise. Your comment made me think of a Confucious ‘saying’ – BUT I don’t dare! !! ♥♥

      Liked by 3 people

      1. D.L Finn, Author says:


        Liked by 1 person

  6. You are a yarn spinner, sir. Nice one. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re too kind, Sir Tim! Wishing all good things for you! ♥

      Liked by 2 people

  7. I chuckled when the female parrot said, “What do you think I’ve been praying for?” Haha, nice tale, Billy. I was raised a Free Methodist, “free.” Now I’m an Evangelical Free. So, I’m really free!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So Blad you got a chuckle…Wishing you all the best. ♥

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you, Billy. ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      2. You’re most welcome, Miriam. ♥

        Liked by 2 people

      3. Look forward to your sermon next Sunday, Billy!!! ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Ha, Ha! Now, you’re putting me on the spot, but I’ll try not to disappoint. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      5. I’ll take the first row of the pew, Billy. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Cute story, Billy Ray. Opposite parrots attract. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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